Grief Season

Do you have a "grief season?" I do. And today it begins. Five years ago today my brother-in-law, Sean, died. Joel's uncle Kim died somewhere around this date. And Joel's grandfather and mother's death anniversaries come up in February. And with my grandmother close to death, I am pretty clear I'll have another loved one to add to my "grief season." I miss them all.
It's convenient that it happens during the cold, dark part of the year. It sneaks up on me at times when I least expect it. Mostly I feel a sense of loss.
I've discovered the value of being honest and clear about my "grief season" with others...because I never know when grief will come out and surprise me and others. "Grief season" does not require permits. It reminds you about how precious life is, and that I am not alone in it.
It may seem morbid, but to me it is a valuable time. I know I will have other seasons this year. I am grateful for them all.
Thanks for your prayers for my grandmother. She appears to be transitioning into life eternal.

Prayers

Thanks for the prayers for my grandmother. She went into the ER this morning...we almost lost her. Prayers for what's best for her and her life would be appreciated. She's to turn 95 tomorrow.

The Blimp

Today's been one of those days...you know the kind...where you have way too much to do and everyone's got a crisis or a conversation that needs to happen right this minute. And I am worried about my grandmother who turns 95 on Wednesday...we took her out for her birthday last night...and her lungs sounded funny. I hope you will pray for her.

I was a big fan of the show, "Ally McBeal," a few years ago. I loved how quirky the characters were. In one episode, Ally was talking with a child who was dying. The child asked her if God exists. Ally responded (something like this), "When I was your age, I believed the blimp was God. If I saw the blimp, I knew it was God and everything was okay."
Goodyear keeps a blimp in Carson, CA, not far from where we live and work. When we moved here both Joel and I were surprised to find out that the blimp was up and moving around our area virtually everyday. Nowadays we hear the rumble of the engine and see the large shadow the blimp casts and it is a regular part of our daily routine. Every afternoon we expect to see and hear the blimp.
I needed the blimp today. I needed to hear the comforting rumble of its engines. I longed for the shadow it casts as it passes overhead. I needed, like Ally, to know that God was around. That while I feel overwhelmed and uncertain, God was with me. Otherwise I would have ended up under my desk.
Now reason might tell you that the blimp is not God. But don't we all need little signs of God's presence to help us get that God is intimately present? I know I do. So I'm going to walk out of my office now, put on my sunglasses and look up to the sky, and listen.

One of those moments....

Yesterday as folks came through the receiving line, Charles, one of our youth, gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks, Rev. Erika for preaching from Matthew. I LOVE the Gospel of Matthew!" As I met with the youth counselors later that day, our youth leader told me that Charles's sister was giving him grief for "reading the Bible" so much.
I'm keeping an eye on this one....I think God had things in store for him!

Gen X Leadership: Wanted?

I normally take a computer sabbath today, but for some reason found myself in front of it anyway. I want to encourage you to read Andrew Thompson's latest entry over at genxrising.com. He's writing and raising important questions about whether the Church might solve some of its younger generational problems by empowering and trusting young people to lead-- on all levels.
I am currently working to gather, dialogue with and empower young clergy in my Annual Conference to work on issues we feel passionate about-- things that need to be changed and visions that need to be dreamed and made real. (OUR NEXT GATHERING IS THURSDAY, JAN. 18th at Hope UMC, Torrance). One of our dreams is to have a young clergyperson elected to go to General Conference. With so few spots for us folk from the West, those seats are deemed politically precious. And our talk about organizing and getting someone elected brought with it questions about character and "chops"-- do we have anyone in that age group who could lead and represent well enough for us as an Annual Conference? The question brings with it an underlying thought-- the person asking the question does not think there is someone who could do it.As I talk with potential young clergy candidates, there is a hesitancy to get involved in the political monster beyond our Annual Conference. If only we had the courage of Harry Potter facing Voldemort, Luke Skywalker taking on the Dark Side, Frodo destroying the Ring!
I think it would fantastic to see young people--lay and clergy-- empowered and TRUSTED to offer leadership. Trust is a huge part of the issue, I think. As a young clergyperson I was thrilled when asked to offer leadership and entrusted with what I thought was an interesting job that might help me make an impact on the Annual Conference and the Church. I then discovered how highly political (more than I cynically and realistically thought) things were run. Just like high school there are the "popular kids" in the Church. Our focus was often on preservation and desperation. Eventually I just grew tired of the whole thing.
Now, I don't hold that position any longer, but I am working on trying to help my Annual Conference on this very issue of young people and leadership. Because I was in the trenches and took my licks, I have garnered more trust than others. But I still sense a lack of trust in general toward ideas and persons of my generation.
Could this lack of trust be a contributing factor towards the exit of many young clergy from local church ministry within their first ten years?
What would happen if the Church gave us the opportunity and resources to play with? Would we rise to the occasion?

A Theological Flick: Pan's Labyrinth

Since last Friday was one of Joel's last days of Winter Break (he is a teacher), we decided to go to the local multiplex to catch a flick. We decided to spend our AMC gift card on Pan's Labyrinth. Hearing commercials and reviews, I thought I was going to get a more fantastical, imaginary (and scary) world than what actually happens in the movie. Here's some observations (not wanting to spoil the movie for those who have not seen it!) of things that caught my attention. It's impossible for me to go to a movie without thinking about it theologically!
The movie was set in Spain during post-WWII when Spanish soldiers were fighting against "guerrilla communists" in the surrounding countryside. The main character, Ofelia, a young girl whose father recently died, and her mother, pregnant and re-married to a Spanish Captain, are forced to move to the country where the Captain is in battle, in order for Ofelia's brother to be born near his father. The movie is graphic-- it shows clearly how brutal and unjust war can be. At times I had to look away it was just that bloody. Rather than Anderson Cooper being embedded with troops, it was a young girl who had no sense of war!
I was struck by how valuable and important one's imagination is when confronted with the merciless brutality of war. In order to survive harsh living conditions, the inability to grieve and cope with her father's death and the new step-father, no children to play with, and a mother that does not approve of her love of fiction (especially fairy tales), Ofelia enjoys the magic of the labyrinth and the call to prove that she is someone special. Faced with the brutality of the war on terror, the uncertainty of our world, and the cut-throat dog-eat-dog consumerism of today, don't you long to be affirmed as someone special, called to an important and unique task?
The other thing the stayed with me was the fact that out of the perception that one might be special, real hope lives and thrives. Ofelia could deal with her cold step-father, the ravages of war around her, the uncertainty of her mother's life and the life of her unborn half brother because she had a special sense of purpose. The thought that she might be freed from the bondage of war and circumstances out of her control was powerful and hopeful.
Ofelia's character at times had Christological connections that also helped make the hope and power more tangible.
While this is NOT a movie to take kids to see (there were a couple of kids in the theater when we saw it, and that horrified me because of the violence and adult situations), it is a thoughtful piece of historical fiction that while dark gives you hope.

Anniversary

Today Joel and I celebrate 7 years of marriage!
I'm so lucky to be married to Joel...he's a true gift to me.
It's also Elvis's birthday!

Iconic

Happy New Year!
My husband and I are well on our way towards full health after riding out a nasty cold bug...it was days before I could hear correctly! Hope that your holidays were merry and bright....
While on a brief time-out from work (and blogging) Joel and I were able to take some kleenex (for me) and drive up to the Getty Museum here in Los Angeles. If you have not been to the Getty and you live in Southern California, you are missing out. If you live out of the area, I truly think the Getty is a great excursion-- great art, great view, even a great cafe!
I wanted to see the latest special exhibition at the Getty-- Icons from St. Catherine's Monastery of Mt. Sinai. The collection has not been out of the monastery and this was a pilgrimage for me and for many to visit with the icons and gaze upon them.
We went the busiest week for the Getty all year-- even so, it was a wonderful (and chilly!) experience. The Getty did an amazing job setting this exhibition up-- from wall colors to a large room set up to re-create placements of icons in the chapel they came from--it was all breath-taking. We rented the audio info and enjoyed learning more through storytelling. Many of the icons were large and very ornate-- all the detail telling a story of faith-- often times relating to Moses (uh, because of the monastery's location at the foot of Mt. Sinai I finally realized.) The space felt familiar yet strange to me, and when I came upon the ornate chalice and paten and priestly garments, I felt quite at home.
The Theotokos was the most popular icon on exhibit-- mother of God and child were everywhere. Moses and adult images of Christ close behind.
The icon I have included here is that of St. Theodosia. It's the least ornate of the icons on exhibit, yet she capitvated me. As I am learning in my study and use of icons, every bit of the icon has a purpose--for Theodosia it is important that she has nothing in the background and that she stares right at those looking upon her. Come to find out she was a defender of icons during the iconoclastic period-- one where icons were destroyed for many reasons. Emperor Leo III ordered a bunch of icons to be destroyed-- including a large one of Christ-- and Thedosia and other nuns got in the way. As a result she died by ram horn stabbing and became a saint-- to be appreciated through iconography.
There were other pilgrims alongside us in the exhibit-- all sorts of languages spoken, some people having traveled a long distance to Southern California to adore, venerate and appreciate these icons. That gets respect from me!
Icons are an important connection to the past-- and an important gift to us now. One thing I think the Emerging Church is beginning to appreciate and incorporate is art in all its forms back into worship and worship expression. We can tell the story of God made real in Jesus in so many different types of media-- not only words and music. Icons are windows to the divine. What kinds of windows will we create for persons to gaze upon and connect with God?